tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post6108770008890971398..comments2023-04-28T09:46:09.269-04:00Comments on Sitting on the Fence: To Your Own Self Be True--Or Maybe Not?Fence Sitterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10710804417216575955noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post-88989230032145544842011-10-31T11:41:15.255-04:002011-10-31T11:41:15.255-04:00Define "true".
As parents, we can all s...Define "true".<br /><br />As parents, we can all sometimes make decisions that take into account our children's needs instead of just our own. You don't share the details of your intimate life with your children, for example, and you don't always let them know when you are scared or angry and frustrated.<br /><br />As I said to you before, though, you need to own your decisions, instead of feeling bullied into them, or doing the passive-aggressive thing of going along with them on the surface but then resenting your husband.<br /><br />In other words - I don't think that the real issue is you choosing not to do certain things in front of your children because you are raising them religious. The issue is that you are going along with raising them religious in part out of fear, when you aren't completely sure about this decision.Law momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01859590966207623757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post-8205623156778246562011-10-31T10:18:45.517-04:002011-10-31T10:18:45.517-04:00I've only recently decided that I'm not a ...I've only recently decided that I'm not a "believer" after all, so having to pretend still rubs me the wrong way. I hate having to lie to hide my real thoughts and feelings on anything this important. <br />I totally understand about keeping things a secret for the sake of the family. My husband doesn't know about my lack of beliefs at all, though. He himself is not the strictest Ortho Jew; in fact, he is kind of a minimalist. But he condemns anyone who doesn't believe as he does, and that would include me.<br /><br />My children I haven't told, because they can't keep secrets, and because everything about the environment around them is in opposition to my lack of beliefs. We live in a religious town, they go to a religious school... In Israel, even "arsim" (Middle Eastern guidos or rednecks) believe in God, and atheists are usually associated with the far left.<br /><br />We don't teach our children to deny science, but somehow, all science is taught from the POV of Torah.<br /><br />I'm with the above commenters on this one: good luck in whatever you decide. In any case, I'll probably have a pretty good idea of how you feel.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post-63660745495890711802011-10-31T09:45:47.428-04:002011-10-31T09:45:47.428-04:00I feel as if I have some balance.
My husband know...I feel as if I have some balance.<br /><br />My husband knows of my beliefs (or lack thereof); he isn't thrilled about it, but he accepts it and he accepts me.<br /><br />My older kids know some of this too.<br /><br />I intend to tell my younger kids when they get older that I don't take the Torah literally, but we have customs we observe because of our ancestry.<br /><br />I don't ask my kids to do what I'm not prepared to do, so I fast on all the fast days - because it's important to my husband that the kids fast. On the other hand, I wouldn't scold a child for picking up muktzeh, even if it is important to my husband - I'd ignore it.<br /><br />I think your husband should be willing to meet you partway. If he's not, you're in a very tough situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post-55383811567962755222011-10-30T19:29:57.318-04:002011-10-30T19:29:57.318-04:00Wow, what an introspective post. I am planning to ...Wow, what an introspective post. I am planning to write on a similar topic, but it is taking me a long time to gather my thoughts. Thanks for the inspiration!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post-8296187216229795942011-10-30T14:54:18.006-04:002011-10-30T14:54:18.006-04:00There is definitely a balancing act that has to be...There is definitely a balancing act that has to be done in these kinds of situations. Ultimately, if and when you come to a place where you a comfortable accepting the potential negative consequences of letting the truth of what you believe come out in the open, you should not feel that it is your fault for coming to these conclusions. You are just using the mind you have and living in a world that were placed in.<br /><br />I wish you all the best.Daniel Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12773496952991792206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5110120806388167738.post-56080187453133145942011-10-30T14:19:22.967-04:002011-10-30T14:19:22.967-04:00Good luck, Fence.
As we're more-or-less in the...Good luck, Fence.<br />As we're more-or-less in the same boat, I know very well of what you speak...I just take it day by day.Gutman Braunnoreply@blogger.com