Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Chabad Aseres Hadibros

Now for the sequel. Those who dislike leitzanus my want to skip this post

Presenting the Chabad Aseres Hadibros:

1. I am the Rebbe who will take you to Eretz Yisrael. Thou shalt be mekushar to me.

2. Do not ask for brachos or eitzos from other rebbeim.

3. You should have images of all of the rebbeim in your home, in as many rooms as possible

4. You should observe Yud-Tes Kislev, keep it holy, and farbreng

5. You should honor the rebbe, your mashpia, and your parents--in that order

6. You should not say that the Rebbe died. If you must, say he was nistalek. Otherwise, just use the term "hidden"

7. You should not interact with the opposite gender, unless it is shlichus, in which case almost anything goes.

8. You should not steal another shliach's territory.

9. You should not lie. Just evade the question if someone asks your opinion on whether the Rebbe is Moshiach

10. You should not be jealous of any other group in klal Yisrael. Remember, Chabad is the best!


  1. This post is even better than your previous one! :)

  2. Very Funny! And by Rebbeim, I hope you meant Lubavitch ones.

  3. 9. Good one.
    10. Lubavitchers don't need to be told that.

  4. Anon,

    In #2 I meant non-Lubavitcher rebbeim, while in #3, I clearly meant only Lubavitcher rebbeim

  5. What about Thou must carry a Chitas with you at all times?

  6. Real Lubavitchers live in Crown Heights, so they don't have cars, so they're exempt from perpetual Chitas carrying.

  7. > I am the Rebbe who will take you to Eretz Yisrael.

    No, it should be: to 770. Then put an asterisk: which substitutes for Eretz Yisrael until I reveal myself as Moshiach.